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[ The greeting earns him an odd look, unused to Dean commenting on his status, though his lack of power did affect his usefulness. ]
I'm back to full strength.
[ Is all he says, knowing its importance to him. Though he rejected the idea of being anyone's asset, he understood where the thought came from. ]
When did you speak to Jack?
[ He asks instead, getting to the point of the meeting. ]
I'm back to full strength.
[ Is all he says, knowing its importance to him. Though he rejected the idea of being anyone's asset, he understood where the thought came from. ]
When did you speak to Jack?
[ He asks instead, getting to the point of the meeting. ]
[He nods, smiling thinly. Still a smile, anyway.]
... You got it.
[He's not sure what he did to deserve this, but he'll do whatever Dean asks of him. If that means living here in the moment? Being an attempt at normal in the house? He'll try.
... He'll fistfight a lot of his own ugly thoughts and come out bruised, but he'll try.]
... You got it.
[He's not sure what he did to deserve this, but he'll do whatever Dean asks of him. If that means living here in the moment? Being an attempt at normal in the house? He'll try.
... He'll fistfight a lot of his own ugly thoughts and come out bruised, but he'll try.]
Okay, straight to business then.
[ It's Dean sarcasm not at its finest, but there's no heat behind it either way. Mostly he's just glad that things are right with Cas again. He's already seen first-hand what happens when an angel loses their powers and it's-- there's nothing good about that and he's already proven he's not good enough to pick up those pieces.
Shaking his head to try and focus on the here and now, his brows rise up but it's not because he wasn't expecting the question. Just how fast they are to get to it. ]
Not for a while. He asked me if I'd train him to hunt. And then Sam - older Sam - told me who Jack is. And Jack messaged me about that too.
[ He pauses, exhausted, and rolls his bottom lip into his mouth. ]
I told Sam to keep Jack away from the house. It's not safe, man. Not with Lucifer there.
[ Not with how hard he's seen Sam have to work to keep the devil pinned down. He can't put his brother through more trauma. Not more than Sam's already having to deal with. ]
[ It's Dean sarcasm not at its finest, but there's no heat behind it either way. Mostly he's just glad that things are right with Cas again. He's already seen first-hand what happens when an angel loses their powers and it's-- there's nothing good about that and he's already proven he's not good enough to pick up those pieces.
Shaking his head to try and focus on the here and now, his brows rise up but it's not because he wasn't expecting the question. Just how fast they are to get to it. ]
Not for a while. He asked me if I'd train him to hunt. And then Sam - older Sam - told me who Jack is. And Jack messaged me about that too.
[ He pauses, exhausted, and rolls his bottom lip into his mouth. ]
I told Sam to keep Jack away from the house. It's not safe, man. Not with Lucifer there.
[ Not with how hard he's seen Sam have to work to keep the devil pinned down. He can't put his brother through more trauma. Not more than Sam's already having to deal with. ]
[ It's the easiest way to stay on track without delving into the widening gap between them once summer melted into autumn. He supposes there is something to be said about the great obsession poets placed on sunny days. All things had their season and with the first snows of winter already here, Castiel accepted the end of one chapter and turned to face the next. The days were shorter now, and the cold seeped into bone, a fact he learned the hard way. Numbness was painful too. It's why Jack's sunny disposition and open affection caught him off guard. He was always drawn to the sun but this one was different from the last. A quiet affection he never expected given freely without prompting. It still takes him by surprise sometimes but he's slowly learning to accept it. He fell into the role of mentor without realizing it but now that he's found it he feels protective of Jack. It's why he contacted Dean in the first place. Why he's here despite the silence between them that wasn't a routine check-in. Castiel felt for Jack. Shared his pain and while he might not fight for himself, he always fought for those he cared about no matter who was on the other side. ]
It's not safe for him anywhere. Lucifer isn't human Dean. You can't stop him by putting a physical divide between them. All you're doing is driving him away.
[ And that was the crux of the problem. He couldn't stand back and watch Jack suffer any more than he could Dean. But he wasn't numb to Jack. He hadn't spent a year and a half losing him over and over again until he had to find a purpose for himself just to learn how to live again. Jack's pain was his even if he didn't know it. He felt the visceral rejection on his behalf. It twisted his insides and drove him to act even if it meant putting him at odds with a sun he'd once watched from afar. ]
It's not safe for him anywhere. Lucifer isn't human Dean. You can't stop him by putting a physical divide between them. All you're doing is driving him away.
[ And that was the crux of the problem. He couldn't stand back and watch Jack suffer any more than he could Dean. But he wasn't numb to Jack. He hadn't spent a year and a half losing him over and over again until he had to find a purpose for himself just to learn how to live again. Jack's pain was his even if he didn't know it. He felt the visceral rejection on his behalf. It twisted his insides and drove him to act even if it meant putting him at odds with a sun he'd once watched from afar. ]
[ Head whipping around, Dean's brows draw together tightly. For a second, he's wondering if he heard wrong, somehow. And what he's hearing is that Cas thinks he should stop trying to keep Jack and Lucifer apart without considering the strain it puts on Sam.
It grates at his already frayed nerves because keeping his brother above water is taking every shred of energy he has. And all the while they're trying to fix what became a broken relationship back in their world. ]
Lucifer might not be human, but have you forgotten that Sam is? You have any idea what he's having to do just to try keep him as contained as he is? Did you even think about Sam for a single second there? Because what you said and what I heard was all revolved around one kid, and not once did you include Sam's wellbeing in any of that. Or anybody else's, actually.
[ His entire body is tight, wound up like a spring. He'd come to trust Cas a voice of reason and he's not hearing any of that. But what's true enough is the frustration rolling off of him in waves. This situation is impossible enough already. To know that Cas is here just to accuse him of hurting a kid's feelings when his goal is that the entire town doesn't get fucked by Lucifer, just like his world already is... he doesn't know what to do with that. ]
Are you seriously telling me you're just good letting a kid - who I've been told is apparently good - in front of his literal devil dad and thinking that's gonna be anything but a shitshow for anybody?
And now he's asking for soulless bodies on the network?
[ He throws his hands up, as if he just doesn't understand what the hell is going on here. ]
What the hell, man? I don't understand how I'm supposed to make this better or what you're askin' me to do.
It grates at his already frayed nerves because keeping his brother above water is taking every shred of energy he has. And all the while they're trying to fix what became a broken relationship back in their world. ]
Lucifer might not be human, but have you forgotten that Sam is? You have any idea what he's having to do just to try keep him as contained as he is? Did you even think about Sam for a single second there? Because what you said and what I heard was all revolved around one kid, and not once did you include Sam's wellbeing in any of that. Or anybody else's, actually.
[ His entire body is tight, wound up like a spring. He'd come to trust Cas a voice of reason and he's not hearing any of that. But what's true enough is the frustration rolling off of him in waves. This situation is impossible enough already. To know that Cas is here just to accuse him of hurting a kid's feelings when his goal is that the entire town doesn't get fucked by Lucifer, just like his world already is... he doesn't know what to do with that. ]
Are you seriously telling me you're just good letting a kid - who I've been told is apparently good - in front of his literal devil dad and thinking that's gonna be anything but a shitshow for anybody?
And now he's asking for soulless bodies on the network?
[ He throws his hands up, as if he just doesn't understand what the hell is going on here. ]
What the hell, man? I don't understand how I'm supposed to make this better or what you're askin' me to do.
[ Ice fills his veins and he turns on Dean, wings flaring behind him darkening the atmosphere with a power that thrums through him invisible in all but its oppressive force. The scent of ozone fills the air when he suddenly crowds him, yanking him down to his height by the scruff of his jacket. ]
I've never forgotten about Sam! Not when Lucifer wanted him. Not when Heaven wanted him. And not when he went to Hell and I risked everything to get him out!
[ Grounding out the last bit into a sneer, the thing housed inside human flesh shakes with anger. To belittle his feelings for Sam draws it out and it wakes angry and hurting. The accusation cuts into the unknown leaving wounds impossible to heal and further widening the gap between them. Large and black wings surround Dean, pressing closer of their own volition. They stir the air around them, invisible still, yet the electric currents buzz with an energy radiating from the thing in front of him no longer disguised as a man. ]
He's already in his dreams!
[ There's anger there clear and sharp, the muscles of his jaw moving imperceptibly beneath his skin from the force it takes to reign himself in. Power emanates all around him leaking from an open wound that not even demons could hope to reach with their barbed tongues. ]
That's why I'm here. To stop it.
[ The buzz turns into a ringing sound that slides against human skin until the thing finally lets go and Castiel steps back breath heavy from turmoil he can't contain. His wings pull back, sharp and fast, releasing Dean. He paces then, jaw still clenched from the effort to draw himself back into the confines of his human vessel. ]
I've never forgotten about Sam! Not when Lucifer wanted him. Not when Heaven wanted him. And not when he went to Hell and I risked everything to get him out!
[ Grounding out the last bit into a sneer, the thing housed inside human flesh shakes with anger. To belittle his feelings for Sam draws it out and it wakes angry and hurting. The accusation cuts into the unknown leaving wounds impossible to heal and further widening the gap between them. Large and black wings surround Dean, pressing closer of their own volition. They stir the air around them, invisible still, yet the electric currents buzz with an energy radiating from the thing in front of him no longer disguised as a man. ]
He's already in his dreams!
[ There's anger there clear and sharp, the muscles of his jaw moving imperceptibly beneath his skin from the force it takes to reign himself in. Power emanates all around him leaking from an open wound that not even demons could hope to reach with their barbed tongues. ]
That's why I'm here. To stop it.
[ The buzz turns into a ringing sound that slides against human skin until the thing finally lets go and Castiel steps back breath heavy from turmoil he can't contain. His wings pull back, sharp and fast, releasing Dean. He paces then, jaw still clenched from the effort to draw himself back into the confines of his human vessel. ]
[ Eyes wide, Dean doesn't have the time to shore up his own emotions. And it's fear in his eyes when Cas grabs him. Hard not to feel that when you're being yanked around by a fully powered angel. One that he'd thought up to this point he was starting to understand.
He listens, even if it's uncomfortable with that ringing in his ears, frowns with the pain and then eventually winces when his ears start bleeding and it's minutes before he's able to hear anything but the echo of that other worldly noise. He remembers it. Of course he does. But that was then and this is now and he doesn't know what Cas is talking about, but he's got no reason not to believe him, even if this discomfort is at breaking point inside of him now.
Opening his mouth once, then again, to try and get the ringing out of his ears, eventually he pulls his hands away from his ears, blood smearing on his palms unnoticed. ]
You pulled Sam outta Hell? I uh... I didn't know that... because it doesn't happen in my world. You know what happens in my world, I told you. All the crap that Lucifer rains down on everybody and you know what? Sam was still in there the whole time.
[ Dean was going to kill Lucifer and will do again, because he's already been told that memories from this place don't travel home. So he knows that he'll try to kill Lucifer, Sam inside having to watch, and then Sam having to suffer through watching how Lucifer kills him. ]
He's in all our dreams, Cas. Not just Jack's. And there's nothing more that I want to do than gank that son of a bitch Lucifer and you know that. But you think Lucifer wouldn't use Jack the second he knows he's his kid? Explain it to me, man. Explain how me trying to keep Jack away from Lucifer, from Sam, from me is a bad idea.
[ He pauses, nostrils flaring and head shaking because he just plain doesn't understand how this tactic is the wrong one. ]
I am begging you to explain it to me. To help me.
He listens, even if it's uncomfortable with that ringing in his ears, frowns with the pain and then eventually winces when his ears start bleeding and it's minutes before he's able to hear anything but the echo of that other worldly noise. He remembers it. Of course he does. But that was then and this is now and he doesn't know what Cas is talking about, but he's got no reason not to believe him, even if this discomfort is at breaking point inside of him now.
Opening his mouth once, then again, to try and get the ringing out of his ears, eventually he pulls his hands away from his ears, blood smearing on his palms unnoticed. ]
You pulled Sam outta Hell? I uh... I didn't know that... because it doesn't happen in my world. You know what happens in my world, I told you. All the crap that Lucifer rains down on everybody and you know what? Sam was still in there the whole time.
[ Dean was going to kill Lucifer and will do again, because he's already been told that memories from this place don't travel home. So he knows that he'll try to kill Lucifer, Sam inside having to watch, and then Sam having to suffer through watching how Lucifer kills him. ]
He's in all our dreams, Cas. Not just Jack's. And there's nothing more that I want to do than gank that son of a bitch Lucifer and you know that. But you think Lucifer wouldn't use Jack the second he knows he's his kid? Explain it to me, man. Explain how me trying to keep Jack away from Lucifer, from Sam, from me is a bad idea.
[ He pauses, nostrils flaring and head shaking because he just plain doesn't understand how this tactic is the wrong one. ]
I am begging you to explain it to me. To help me.
[ Dread takes hold the moment he catches sight of the blood smearing his hand and his eyes snap up to its source where red mars the tracks of his ears. ]
Dean, you're bleeding.
[ He strides forward worry dousing any lingering anger as he reaches forward to assess the damage. With his stabilization gem brimming with power underneath his coat, he attempts to heal him but a sputtering white light stalls and fails. ]
I didn't do a very good job of it.
[ He admits, remembering his failure as he retries his efforts a second time only to fail again. Still, he doesn't stop trying. ]
I know Dean. Jimmy was still with me until Raphael killed us both.
[ He's not unaware of what Sam might be going through. Knows too, what Jack is feeling. What he doesn't know is his brother's intention or how much of a hold he has on Sam. When they met, Sam was still himself, and just like his powers were failing him now, Lucifer's were similarly affected.
His third healing attempt ends before it starts growing his frustration. It's then, while his attention is completely taken up by the healing spell that his head snaps up pining Dean with a look that's two parts shock and one part fear. All?! Not just Jack but all of them?! How long was it happening? Why didn't anyone tell him before?! Why didn't... ]
Why didn't you tell me Lucifer was in your dreams?!
[ He asks, voice no longer tinged with anger but still filled with a knot of emotions he can't disentangle himself from. ]
Dean.
[ He finally stops his attempts, completely blindsided by this new information. Still, he stands his ground, unflinching in the face of Dean's growing turmoil. ]
I'm not here to tell you what to do. I'm here to find out what you know.
Dean, you're bleeding.
[ He strides forward worry dousing any lingering anger as he reaches forward to assess the damage. With his stabilization gem brimming with power underneath his coat, he attempts to heal him but a sputtering white light stalls and fails. ]
I didn't do a very good job of it.
[ He admits, remembering his failure as he retries his efforts a second time only to fail again. Still, he doesn't stop trying. ]
I know Dean. Jimmy was still with me until Raphael killed us both.
[ He's not unaware of what Sam might be going through. Knows too, what Jack is feeling. What he doesn't know is his brother's intention or how much of a hold he has on Sam. When they met, Sam was still himself, and just like his powers were failing him now, Lucifer's were similarly affected.
His third healing attempt ends before it starts growing his frustration. It's then, while his attention is completely taken up by the healing spell that his head snaps up pining Dean with a look that's two parts shock and one part fear. All?! Not just Jack but all of them?! How long was it happening? Why didn't anyone tell him before?! Why didn't... ]
Why didn't you tell me Lucifer was in your dreams?!
[ He asks, voice no longer tinged with anger but still filled with a knot of emotions he can't disentangle himself from. ]
Dean.
[ He finally stops his attempts, completely blindsided by this new information. Still, he stands his ground, unflinching in the face of Dean's growing turmoil. ]
I'm not here to tell you what to do. I'm here to find out what you know.
(The door opens with a tiny creak. A small face pokes out and yeah, Eddie looks like he had just gone through a month of possession all right. Some weight loss on an already small frame and dark, exhausted eyes. His hair isn't even styled which, honestly, is the biggest giveaway of all.
Plus he has that cagey look on his face like he doesn't entirely trust what's on the other side of the door. But once he sees that it's clearly Dean, he opens the door up the rest of the way.
There's this massive drop of relief in his gut and Eddie distantly realizes that this is the second time in a relatively short amount of time where he's willingly let himself seek out help from an adult.)
Hi. (Don't cry, Eddie, holy shit. His voice does that wobbly little thing and for a second he sounds like he's eleven all over again. God he could feel how badly he missed having an adult to go to - even if the only adult back home was the Worst Person Ever for him. He was, at the end of the day, still just a kid.)
Thanks for coming. She's in the uh- backyard.
Plus he has that cagey look on his face like he doesn't entirely trust what's on the other side of the door. But once he sees that it's clearly Dean, he opens the door up the rest of the way.
There's this massive drop of relief in his gut and Eddie distantly realizes that this is the second time in a relatively short amount of time where he's willingly let himself seek out help from an adult.)
Hi. (Don't cry, Eddie, holy shit. His voice does that wobbly little thing and for a second he sounds like he's eleven all over again. God he could feel how badly he missed having an adult to go to - even if the only adult back home was the Worst Person Ever for him. He was, at the end of the day, still just a kid.)
Thanks for coming. She's in the uh- backyard.
Yeah. Except you're Cas and Sam's got Lucifer riding shotgun.
[ Which is a real reductive way to say that Cas is a whole other thing in comparison to Lucifer. He wouldn't believe for a single second that Cas would let Jimmy see any of the things he'd done in the line of duty, or whatever; not while he was steering. Lucifer on the other hand? Showed Sam everything that would hurt him the most.
The healing attempts - all of them - are somehow patiently waited out, but eventually he wipes his hands on the backs of his jeans because he just couldn't care less if he is bleeding. His heart is slowing from jackrabbit to something more normal, and though he can still feel the vestigial, lingering tendrils of adrenaline spiked with fear, he does his best to push on through it.
It's not the first time Cas has gotten pissed at him to the point of grabbing him, but it's the first time he didn't say anything trying to provoke that kind of response.
His gaze shifts and he's not looking at Cas anymore. It's a good question. Why didn't he tell Cas? He's heard from enough people here now to know that Lucifer? He's been having a freaking field day. His jaw tenses, loosens only so that he can lick his lips uncomfortably. ]
I thought I could handle it. I failed Sam, Cas. Real bad. I thought I could... I don't know, man.
[ Frowning seems like all he's been doing lately, but he hasn't had much reason to do much otherwise. ]
All those years I spent gearing up for a showdown with Lucifer. And I'm so far out of my freaking depth it's pathetic. I can't even get him outta Sam.
[ Which is a real reductive way to say that Cas is a whole other thing in comparison to Lucifer. He wouldn't believe for a single second that Cas would let Jimmy see any of the things he'd done in the line of duty, or whatever; not while he was steering. Lucifer on the other hand? Showed Sam everything that would hurt him the most.
The healing attempts - all of them - are somehow patiently waited out, but eventually he wipes his hands on the backs of his jeans because he just couldn't care less if he is bleeding. His heart is slowing from jackrabbit to something more normal, and though he can still feel the vestigial, lingering tendrils of adrenaline spiked with fear, he does his best to push on through it.
It's not the first time Cas has gotten pissed at him to the point of grabbing him, but it's the first time he didn't say anything trying to provoke that kind of response.
His gaze shifts and he's not looking at Cas anymore. It's a good question. Why didn't he tell Cas? He's heard from enough people here now to know that Lucifer? He's been having a freaking field day. His jaw tenses, loosens only so that he can lick his lips uncomfortably. ]
I thought I could handle it. I failed Sam, Cas. Real bad. I thought I could... I don't know, man.
[ Frowning seems like all he's been doing lately, but he hasn't had much reason to do much otherwise. ]
All those years I spent gearing up for a showdown with Lucifer. And I'm so far out of my freaking depth it's pathetic. I can't even get him outta Sam.
Hey, kid.
[ Whether he wants it to or not, his voice is softer than it probably should be. It doesn't take an emotional genius to get that Eddie's not feeling all that awesome right now. There's some saying about 'don't ask questions', and honestly Dean's good at it for the most part. At least, he is where most people are concerned. But people he's got a reason to ask? No holds barred.
That quavering note is enough to remind him that he doesn't need to go about this his usual style. Bull in a china shop might work sometimes, but not every time. So he nods, tries not to make it all that obvious that he's trying to work out what kind of shape Eddie's in on the outside too.
He looks skinnier, and it's not like he'd been the biggest kid to start with. He doesn't wait for an invitation, just steps inside past Eddie leaving enough room for the air not to sweep the kid over as he walks past. That's what it looks like, anyway. That one particularly strong gust would knock Eddie on his ass. ]
So I was thinking on the way over. In all our super intellectual high-brow conversations, I don't think I ever asked you how you feel about burgers.
[ It might not be the most subtle opener, but Dean's never been good at the whole subtle thing. Eddie needs feeding decent food and Dean's got a kitchen now to cook in. Besides, one good turn deserves another or some bullshit. Eddie'd had his back when he was living up in Flatwoods Point. ]
[ Whether he wants it to or not, his voice is softer than it probably should be. It doesn't take an emotional genius to get that Eddie's not feeling all that awesome right now. There's some saying about 'don't ask questions', and honestly Dean's good at it for the most part. At least, he is where most people are concerned. But people he's got a reason to ask? No holds barred.
That quavering note is enough to remind him that he doesn't need to go about this his usual style. Bull in a china shop might work sometimes, but not every time. So he nods, tries not to make it all that obvious that he's trying to work out what kind of shape Eddie's in on the outside too.
He looks skinnier, and it's not like he'd been the biggest kid to start with. He doesn't wait for an invitation, just steps inside past Eddie leaving enough room for the air not to sweep the kid over as he walks past. That's what it looks like, anyway. That one particularly strong gust would knock Eddie on his ass. ]
So I was thinking on the way over. In all our super intellectual high-brow conversations, I don't think I ever asked you how you feel about burgers.
[ It might not be the most subtle opener, but Dean's never been good at the whole subtle thing. Eddie needs feeding decent food and Dean's got a kitchen now to cook in. Besides, one good turn deserves another or some bullshit. Eddie'd had his back when he was living up in Flatwoods Point. ]
Listen to me, Dean. Lucifer isn't your responsibility. He's my brother and I can't stop him any more than you can.
[ He grips his arm, locking eyes with him firm in this resolution. ]
Not alone. Do you understand?
That's why I'm here. For Jack. Sam. You. Everyone. I'm not going to let him do as he pleases.
[ He grips his arm, locking eyes with him firm in this resolution. ]
Not alone. Do you understand?
That's why I'm here. For Jack. Sam. You. Everyone. I'm not going to let him do as he pleases.
Edited 2020-12-12 14:05 (UTC)
[ For a long moment, Dean doesn't respond, not even to the grip at his arm. This past month it feels a lot like Sodder has been going after the people he cares about, dragging them here from his world, from the alternate world. This thought that sticks in his mind that Lucifer's from his world, not Cas', starts to get more hypocritical than even he can handle.
Truth is, he arrived here almost six months ago and things hadn't been anywhere close to smooth with Cas. But honestly? It doesn't matter what world Cas is from, Dean still feels loyalty burn hot inside of him. Just like he feels protective over the Sam who's older than him. And, weirder, protectiveness over the younger version of himself fresh from Hell. Like he can tell Mini Me where he'd gone wrong, try give him the heads up not to make the same mistakes that he did.
Just because they're not from his world doesn't mean they're not part of what he considers his family.
Jack he doesn't have the measure of yet, and what he'd had to go on is the kid's family history. It's been almost impossible to separate those two things. But both Sams have asked him to cut the kid some slack, and that's been enough. He hadn't liked it, but he hasn't said a damn thing to the kid to upset him.
Knowing that Cas is here for Jack too? It's another voice he trusts added to a pile of reasons he shouldn't be so quick to leap straight to defensiveness in the face of everything. It's hard to work through, harder still to make himself do these things, but he does anyway. He's stubborn, an asshole, but if he's remembered anything over the last few months it's that family is all he's got. His purpose is all about family. ]
Yeah.
[ A single word, less sure than he usually sounds. Tiredness feels like it seeps deeper still, and eventually he looks up. ]
I understand.
Truth is, he arrived here almost six months ago and things hadn't been anywhere close to smooth with Cas. But honestly? It doesn't matter what world Cas is from, Dean still feels loyalty burn hot inside of him. Just like he feels protective over the Sam who's older than him. And, weirder, protectiveness over the younger version of himself fresh from Hell. Like he can tell Mini Me where he'd gone wrong, try give him the heads up not to make the same mistakes that he did.
Just because they're not from his world doesn't mean they're not part of what he considers his family.
Jack he doesn't have the measure of yet, and what he'd had to go on is the kid's family history. It's been almost impossible to separate those two things. But both Sams have asked him to cut the kid some slack, and that's been enough. He hadn't liked it, but he hasn't said a damn thing to the kid to upset him.
Knowing that Cas is here for Jack too? It's another voice he trusts added to a pile of reasons he shouldn't be so quick to leap straight to defensiveness in the face of everything. It's hard to work through, harder still to make himself do these things, but he does anyway. He's stubborn, an asshole, but if he's remembered anything over the last few months it's that family is all he's got. His purpose is all about family. ]
Yeah.
[ A single word, less sure than he usually sounds. Tiredness feels like it seeps deeper still, and eventually he looks up. ]
I understand.
[ Faith and loyalty mean everything to him. When there was no escape and death his only option, it was these ideals that stayed with him in his last stand against an insurmountable foe. It wasn't trust or hope but a leap of faith that instigated his fall. He turned his back on Heaven, the angels, and everything he ever believed in with nothing but his faith to clutch onto. So, when different iterations of the same man passed him by. Or when this Dean came at him angry and ready to fight. When he drew a line in the sand between them, his faith remained firm. It wasn't trust or some misguided hope that they'd ever be more than comrades. Faith was the bond that linked him to Dean and loyalty was the only logical outcome.
Castiel had faith in Dean. He had faith in Sam, and now, Jack too. That spark that started with Dean had grown. The feeling he doesn't know how to describe other than loyalty spread beyond its initial source. The same driving force to protect Sam and Jack blurred the line between friend and foe drawing out what should have stayed hidden. It wasn't his intention to hurt him and it was only catching the turmoil stirring within the soul that curbed the spark of anger and buried the angel back in its vessel. Regaining control was never easy but catching the look of defeat on Dean's face hastens his retreat back into the abyss allowing for logic to take over. ]
Tell me what happened.
[ He tells him, letting go of his arm. He doesn't want to hurt him. Not again. ]
Castiel had faith in Dean. He had faith in Sam, and now, Jack too. That spark that started with Dean had grown. The feeling he doesn't know how to describe other than loyalty spread beyond its initial source. The same driving force to protect Sam and Jack blurred the line between friend and foe drawing out what should have stayed hidden. It wasn't his intention to hurt him and it was only catching the turmoil stirring within the soul that curbed the spark of anger and buried the angel back in its vessel. Regaining control was never easy but catching the look of defeat on Dean's face hastens his retreat back into the abyss allowing for logic to take over. ]
Tell me what happened.
[ He tells him, letting go of his arm. He doesn't want to hurt him. Not again. ]
Who says you only have to listen to tunes in the Impala?]
[Merry Christmas, and all that jazz.]
Edited 2020-12-13 08:26 (UTC)
[ Where to freaking start. What happened is that the brother he hasn't seen for five years got pulled here and he's got that same old feeling of failing him over and over. The fact that Lucifer's here too inside of him? Yeah, of course that would be how it is.
Glancing around their periphery is something that's so deeply-ingrained in him it's like habit now. He knows that fully powered, Cas can take care of anything likely to sneak up on them, but it doesn't settle that feeling of constantly feeling hunted. ]
When he first got here and told me... I put him in a circle of holy fire in the basement. It didn't hold him, man. This town? Holy fire or not, it can spring Lucifer from inside of those like it's nothin'.
[ And that's only the tip of the doom-shaped iceberg. ]
Sam's got a pretty good hold on him most of the time. Says Lucifer doesn't know yet that Jack's his kid. And Lucifer? He's been dreamwalking like it's no big thing. If he's doing that to us? I'd put money on the fact he can do that to Jack.
[ All of it is so messed up that it gives Dean a tension headache every time he thinks about it, and tries to work out what he can do about that. ]
You know what Lucifer's like. I know what Lucifer's like. He told Sam a bunch of crap that he bought into. You think Jack's gonna know the difference between what's true and what's Lucifer spinning his shit like a goddamn handmaiden?
[ Lifting a hand, he uses a finger and thumb to massage lightly at his temples. And if it covers his expression for a couple of seconds? That works too. ]
The second Lucifer finds out that Jack's his kid - and Sam says it's when, not if - we're all screwed.
[ Hand dropping away from his face again, he subconsciously returns it to rest on top of the gun he's got holstered at his side. ]
How powerful is Jack? If Lucifer gets to him, lies to him about how things really are, what the hell do we do? Keeping Jack away from the house, away from Sam and me, I don't know what else to do, Cas. Why would I invite him to come inside a goddamn snake pit with the biggest snake of all inside of Sam?
Glancing around their periphery is something that's so deeply-ingrained in him it's like habit now. He knows that fully powered, Cas can take care of anything likely to sneak up on them, but it doesn't settle that feeling of constantly feeling hunted. ]
When he first got here and told me... I put him in a circle of holy fire in the basement. It didn't hold him, man. This town? Holy fire or not, it can spring Lucifer from inside of those like it's nothin'.
[ And that's only the tip of the doom-shaped iceberg. ]
Sam's got a pretty good hold on him most of the time. Says Lucifer doesn't know yet that Jack's his kid. And Lucifer? He's been dreamwalking like it's no big thing. If he's doing that to us? I'd put money on the fact he can do that to Jack.
[ All of it is so messed up that it gives Dean a tension headache every time he thinks about it, and tries to work out what he can do about that. ]
You know what Lucifer's like. I know what Lucifer's like. He told Sam a bunch of crap that he bought into. You think Jack's gonna know the difference between what's true and what's Lucifer spinning his shit like a goddamn handmaiden?
[ Lifting a hand, he uses a finger and thumb to massage lightly at his temples. And if it covers his expression for a couple of seconds? That works too. ]
The second Lucifer finds out that Jack's his kid - and Sam says it's when, not if - we're all screwed.
[ Hand dropping away from his face again, he subconsciously returns it to rest on top of the gun he's got holstered at his side. ]
How powerful is Jack? If Lucifer gets to him, lies to him about how things really are, what the hell do we do? Keeping Jack away from the house, away from Sam and me, I don't know what else to do, Cas. Why would I invite him to come inside a goddamn snake pit with the biggest snake of all inside of Sam?
[Peter sighs softly through his nose, fingers rapping along the table top.]
... Yeah. Yeah, there's a teenaged one here, actually. Fresh on the job, even with all the crazy stuff he's got under his belt. I tried to warn him about one of the villains from home — he was pretending to be a hero, anyway, and the kid didn't have any clue. How could he?
There are so many differences, it's hard to tell what the right choice is... And it's not like I had a lot of room to talk; I trusted someone who ended up a villain, too. Didn't start as one, but...
[He sinks back into his chair, and suddenly — he looks older, exhaustion casting sudden and discomforting shadows across his face. One of those looks a hunter'd get thinking back to a particularly heinous case, one where there weren't really any winners. It's easy to forget that Spider-Man's an urban soldier in a colorful costume.]
... Yeah. Yeah, there's a teenaged one here, actually. Fresh on the job, even with all the crazy stuff he's got under his belt. I tried to warn him about one of the villains from home — he was pretending to be a hero, anyway, and the kid didn't have any clue. How could he?
There are so many differences, it's hard to tell what the right choice is... And it's not like I had a lot of room to talk; I trusted someone who ended up a villain, too. Didn't start as one, but...
[He sinks back into his chair, and suddenly — he looks older, exhaustion casting sudden and discomforting shadows across his face. One of those looks a hunter'd get thinking back to a particularly heinous case, one where there weren't really any winners. It's easy to forget that Spider-Man's an urban soldier in a colorful costume.]
[... But then he looks resolved, leaning forward and posture straightening.]
I'll always try to steer them away from my mistakes, though. Because they're not me. Not exactly. They could be a better me. I'd love nothing more, honestly.
... And If I can make them better, it means I'll be better for doing it.
It's a bonus.
I'll always try to steer them away from my mistakes, though. Because they're not me. Not exactly. They could be a better me. I'd love nothing more, honestly.
... And If I can make them better, it means I'll be better for doing it.
It's a bonus.
[ Holy fire doesn't work on him? The thought sends a chill down his spine. If they couldn't use holy fire then they had no means of trapping him if they needed to. Now, he understands Dean's churning turmoil. How long had he known? Did the others know? Either way, they needed to. He'd check in with them and tell them. ]
How is Sam doing? [ He asks, keeping up with Dean's explanation. ] A human mind isn't enough to keep out angels once they've granted us permission. I had Jimmy under when I took over. Even if he tried to fight me, I could easily overwhelm him. [ A disturbing thought, but one that remained true nonetheless. ] Sam is stronger, but so is Lucifer. He far surpasses me in every way. Whatever Sam is doing to keep him at bay, I doubt he can sustain it for long.
Dean. [ He locks eyes with him. ] Sam won't be able to hold him back for much longer.
[ Not exactly good news, but it was his best assessment of the situation as it stood and he wouldn't keep Dean in the dark about it. He must know by now, probably did know, even if he hadn't fully admitted it to himself. Eventually, Sam's will would break to Lucifer and they had to be ready for the fallout. ]
I'm afraid he's already paid a visit to Jack.[ He adds. It's the reason he's here in the first place, but it wasn't until this moment that he realized Dean had been kept in the dark too. ] Lucifer spoke to him in his dreams. Jack told me a similar story. They both seem to be holding up the same lie. Right now, Lucifer thinks Sam's Jack's father. But sooner or later the truth will come out.
I'm going to speak to Lucifer before that happens.
[ Before it all came to a crash, leaving Sam and Jack to deal with the aftermath. He intended to get ahead of it. Whatever fallout waited for them down the line, Castiel would make sure he stood in front of it all. He already had a plan. ]
I know what my brother's like, but I also know Jack. [ He holds Dean's gaze with a look that bespoke of his own unease. ] He was here before you. He showed me things about the future. I didn't know how to handle it then, but I'm not going to let him down this time. Him or Sam.
[ With his eyes locked on Dean, watching him closely, he can see the tightness around his eyes begin to spread. The turmoil starts to coil inside him once more as he keeps on talking, working himself up, thoughts running faster than he could say them aloud. ]
Dean. [ He finally cuts in. ] You keep thinking about this in isolated terms. Sam isn't on his own and neither is Jack. You can keep them separated but you don't need to drive them away. Driving others away is what led me down a path I wish I never took. I'm not going to watch the same thing happen to them. Not if I can stop it.
How is Sam doing? [ He asks, keeping up with Dean's explanation. ] A human mind isn't enough to keep out angels once they've granted us permission. I had Jimmy under when I took over. Even if he tried to fight me, I could easily overwhelm him. [ A disturbing thought, but one that remained true nonetheless. ] Sam is stronger, but so is Lucifer. He far surpasses me in every way. Whatever Sam is doing to keep him at bay, I doubt he can sustain it for long.
Dean. [ He locks eyes with him. ] Sam won't be able to hold him back for much longer.
[ Not exactly good news, but it was his best assessment of the situation as it stood and he wouldn't keep Dean in the dark about it. He must know by now, probably did know, even if he hadn't fully admitted it to himself. Eventually, Sam's will would break to Lucifer and they had to be ready for the fallout. ]
I'm afraid he's already paid a visit to Jack.[ He adds. It's the reason he's here in the first place, but it wasn't until this moment that he realized Dean had been kept in the dark too. ] Lucifer spoke to him in his dreams. Jack told me a similar story. They both seem to be holding up the same lie. Right now, Lucifer thinks Sam's Jack's father. But sooner or later the truth will come out.
I'm going to speak to Lucifer before that happens.
[ Before it all came to a crash, leaving Sam and Jack to deal with the aftermath. He intended to get ahead of it. Whatever fallout waited for them down the line, Castiel would make sure he stood in front of it all. He already had a plan. ]
I know what my brother's like, but I also know Jack. [ He holds Dean's gaze with a look that bespoke of his own unease. ] He was here before you. He showed me things about the future. I didn't know how to handle it then, but I'm not going to let him down this time. Him or Sam.
[ With his eyes locked on Dean, watching him closely, he can see the tightness around his eyes begin to spread. The turmoil starts to coil inside him once more as he keeps on talking, working himself up, thoughts running faster than he could say them aloud. ]
Dean. [ He finally cuts in. ] You keep thinking about this in isolated terms. Sam isn't on his own and neither is Jack. You can keep them separated but you don't need to drive them away. Driving others away is what led me down a path I wish I never took. I'm not going to watch the same thing happen to them. Not if I can stop it.
Edited 2020-12-13 22:35 (UTC)
(This was precisely why he had called Dean. There was something undeniably dependable about the man as he stepped in with all of the control that Eddie never had in any situation. It just felt good, plain and simple, to have an adult show up, ready to believe him, ready to help him. It's not a luxury he was used to. And Eddie picks up on the soft tone instantly. That was new too.
Eddie doesn't anticipate the invite for burgers. It catches him off guard mostly because adults didn't usually want to just hang out with him. Maybe it was a theoretical question. Eddie's been staring for way too long either way and he shakes himself out of it.)
Oh. Oh- yeah. I love burgers. I practically went vegetarian a few years ago but it's not a strict thing. It's been a while since I've had a good old fashioned beef burger.
(Dean wasn't wrong anyway. Something meaty was probably exactly what he needed. The urge to hug is even more intense, and he bites his lip before caving in. He gives Dean a quick, tight squeeze around his midriff.)
Thanks for coming over. (It's December though. This means the moment he's got Dean in a hug, he's flooded with that intense calm and reassurance Deerington seemed to infuse into every touch lately. It makes him relax almost completely, and he holds on for longer than he had planned to because good lord, how could he not? Hugging was so dope this month.)
Eddie doesn't anticipate the invite for burgers. It catches him off guard mostly because adults didn't usually want to just hang out with him. Maybe it was a theoretical question. Eddie's been staring for way too long either way and he shakes himself out of it.)
Oh. Oh- yeah. I love burgers. I practically went vegetarian a few years ago but it's not a strict thing. It's been a while since I've had a good old fashioned beef burger.
(Dean wasn't wrong anyway. Something meaty was probably exactly what he needed. The urge to hug is even more intense, and he bites his lip before caving in. He gives Dean a quick, tight squeeze around his midriff.)
Thanks for coming over. (It's December though. This means the moment he's got Dean in a hug, he's flooded with that intense calm and reassurance Deerington seemed to infuse into every touch lately. It makes him relax almost completely, and he holds on for longer than he had planned to because good lord, how could he not? Hugging was so dope this month.)
[Left outside the house is a dark blue basket. Inside is an associate of tea, chocolates, a box of lemon drops, a bottle of wine and a copy of Charles Dickens, Christmas Carol. A blue Tardis-shaped card attached to the basket says, 'Santa' in silver marker.]
On the eve of the 24th, a brightly colored dreamguide vested in black and yellow comes marching into your space. A golden hue surrounds it, shimmering with every flicker of its wings creating a venerable light show. Hanging from its short limbs is a ziplock bag with a few tablespoons of honey and no note attached. Freshly collected, the little buzz maker circles around you once, twice, and on the third drops the bag above you - hope you catch it. Once it's made its delivery it will go on its merry way.
[it's during one of their impromptu meetings, after their burgers have been eaten and they're about to head off in different directions, that jack hands over the box. inside, there's a set of three bags, along with the request not to let cas' bag tip over. each bag has a name written on it in marker, and is clearly the work of someone whose never celebrated christmas before.
inside dean's bag sits a toy impala along with a note apologizing for not being able to find one the right color. in sam's, sits a bear, complete with a name tag on him. and in cas', a new friend for him.
look, he's a kid with no income. he's done the best he can with what he has. don't judge him.]
inside dean's bag sits a toy impala along with a note apologizing for not being able to find one the right color. in sam's, sits a bear, complete with a name tag on him. and in cas', a new friend for him.
look, he's a kid with no income. he's done the best he can with what he has. don't judge him.]
[ It happens within the span of hours. Dean leaves for work, perhaps, or is out on an errand, perhaps. Either way, when he returns home, nothing seems amiss... at first. Until he steps inside.
It looks like someone bought a sack of christmas decorations and upended them all over the place, with little understanding of where things should go. There's even a small, scrappy looking christmas tree, lopsided and sad and not at all a glorious christmas tree sight to behold, yet lovingly drowned in baubles and tinsel, with a star precariously wobbling on its tip. There's a stack of board games, unearthed at some second hand store or another. A crate of various christmas flavoured beers, with a glittering bow on top. Two bottles of eggnog - no labels. Homemade, perhaps. The fireplace is crackling. There's a beat up looking record player, and a box of vinyls, both with a gift tag that reads 'Dean'. Next to it sits a stack of leather bound books with a gift tag reading 'Sam'. Judging by the overflowing trash can, an attempt at wrapping both was made and given up on.
Later, he will find sitting on top of his pillow single, black feather, smooth and silky, and too large to have come from Charis, even though it has the same very subtle iridescence. Touching it feels strange, a little. Like the slight tingling in the air when a storm is gathering in the skies. And a note, that just reads:
'You're still worth it all.' ]
It looks like someone bought a sack of christmas decorations and upended them all over the place, with little understanding of where things should go. There's even a small, scrappy looking christmas tree, lopsided and sad and not at all a glorious christmas tree sight to behold, yet lovingly drowned in baubles and tinsel, with a star precariously wobbling on its tip. There's a stack of board games, unearthed at some second hand store or another. A crate of various christmas flavoured beers, with a glittering bow on top. Two bottles of eggnog - no labels. Homemade, perhaps. The fireplace is crackling. There's a beat up looking record player, and a box of vinyls, both with a gift tag that reads 'Dean'. Next to it sits a stack of leather bound books with a gift tag reading 'Sam'. Judging by the overflowing trash can, an attempt at wrapping both was made and given up on.
Later, he will find sitting on top of his pillow single, black feather, smooth and silky, and too large to have come from Charis, even though it has the same very subtle iridescence. Touching it feels strange, a little. Like the slight tingling in the air when a storm is gathering in the skies. And a note, that just reads:
'You're still worth it all.' ]
[ There's a small box outside of Dean's house, with a note attached. It says 'For Dean from El' in struggling handwriting.
The box contains a blue and green friendship bracelet and a note, penned in the same poor handwriting that looks like Eleven's struggling a lot more than someone her age should: ]
I'm not good at making friends, but I'm good at finding them. You're my friend. I'll take care of you.
PS: The lake is ice. Stones don't skip great on that. I still haven't found the turtle
PS again, am I allowed to do more than one?
PS again again: The bracelet means we're friends, it's a rule.
The box contains a blue and green friendship bracelet and a note, penned in the same poor handwriting that looks like Eleven's struggling a lot more than someone her age should: ]
I'm not good at making friends, but I'm good at finding them. You're my friend. I'll take care of you.
PS: The lake is ice. Stones don't skip great on that. I still haven't found the turtle
PS again, am I allowed to do more than one?
PS again again: The bracelet means we're friends, it's a rule.
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