[ Eventually he slows down as he processes Sam's words and he almost hates that he does. His tongue feels thick with how little patience he had when it came to trying to demolishing that steaming-hot bowl of stew, and for a second he's just frowning at that. Trying his best to keep this as normal as possible.
It's not that he's irritated with Sam for bringing it up, he's just irritated in general at the moment. Grumpy with a lack of sleep and the weight of the past few months on his shoulders. But he doesn't need to talk about that. Doesn't need to tell Sam what October was like and how he ended it.
Rolling his bottom lip into his mouth, he eventually holds the end of his spoon in his curled first, vertical and motionless against the counter top. This whole talking about things... thing. It's still hard, but fine. If Sam wants to broach this topic? He'll tell the guy what he knows. ]
He called it re-education. They took him back to Heaven and brain-washed him. Forced him back into their plan because he'd gotten a little too loose with it. Too close to us.
[ Trying to fit it all together in his head alongside how much he still feels about all of it? It's hard. Makes his head hurt but it makes his heart hurt more. There's still a thread of betrayal that he wishes he didn't feel anymore, but he can't help it. ]
So yeah, they did make him do it. Tortured him into it. He just never got around to telling me that it was him until yesterday.
[ Five years they spent living in each other's pockets and, yeah, he'd pushed Cas away just like he'd pushed everybody else away in that time. But to keep a secret that big for that long? That's what he's struggling with right now. ]
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It's not that he's irritated with Sam for bringing it up, he's just irritated in general at the moment. Grumpy with a lack of sleep and the weight of the past few months on his shoulders. But he doesn't need to talk about that. Doesn't need to tell Sam what October was like and how he ended it.
Rolling his bottom lip into his mouth, he eventually holds the end of his spoon in his curled first, vertical and motionless against the counter top. This whole talking about things... thing. It's still hard, but fine. If Sam wants to broach this topic? He'll tell the guy what he knows. ]
He called it re-education. They took him back to Heaven and brain-washed him. Forced him back into their plan because he'd gotten a little too loose with it. Too close to us.
[ Trying to fit it all together in his head alongside how much he still feels about all of it? It's hard. Makes his head hurt but it makes his heart hurt more. There's still a thread of betrayal that he wishes he didn't feel anymore, but he can't help it. ]
So yeah, they did make him do it. Tortured him into it. He just never got around to telling me that it was him until yesterday.
[ Five years they spent living in each other's pockets and, yeah, he'd pushed Cas away just like he'd pushed everybody else away in that time. But to keep a secret that big for that long? That's what he's struggling with right now. ]